Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Love Life BS

Well, my update sucks. I've decided to drown my sorrows in a bottle of red so forgive me if this becomes more and more incoherent as I go on.

My decision to confront him about the other woman went sour. He's having a freak out about the public nature of our "relationship" if thats what you call it, and any potential future progression of that relationship.

So, I decided that my little hissy fit probably wasn't needed today. We'll see what happens tomorrow I guess. He wants to continue his man-whore ways, and I don't want to be any part of that. I'm getting a bit bored with the novelty of being his side girl. Something needs to change, and I know what it will be. Its embarrassing. Everyone knows. Its so public and talked about. *Shudder* Thing is, I'm sick of this crap, and I can't think of any really good reasons to put up with the crap. But the idea of seeing him, and hearing about him, with other girls is humiliating. I guess thats not really a good enough reason though is it.

I don't want to be THAT girl. THAT girl that moans and winges and gets all prissy, princessy and demanding. But what next...

Where's the line between being that, and being assertive and "caring for myself"


Tomorrow I have a part of a plan. Thus far the plan is to look REALLY hot. I don't really know what that will achieve but I know it will make me feel comfotable enough to carry out any further plans I might come up with.

I think I'd have less problem with all of this if there was someone else I could turn to. GC thinks I should go after JCC. Interesting thought. But probably too close to home. Then there's always the other one. Thing is, I still miss my ex. How the world turns eh? I want to fall in love with someone, and I want someone to fall in love with me. I know in my heart (and head) that this boy isn't that boy. But it would be so nice if he was. Maybe I'm clinging on too hard to what I wish was reality, not what IS reality. I want to find a man that will care for me, and make me happy and feel good. I want a man who fights with me, and challenges me, and interests and inspires me. If only I could start this year again.

I want to go back one year to the day. I want to relive the heaven of the year I just finished. Just one more time. I wouldn't change anything. Ok, maybe one or two things. But nothing major.

I wish he'd turn into someone who could be all of that. I'll live in hope and trepidation of tomorrow.

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